Ahhh... sunrise. The hope and promise of a new day, beginnings with beauty and color, it really is inspiring, isn't it? It's not something I can hold on to... so I took the picture. I'm aware lately that I have a really negative image of my own capabilities and strength. Why is that? I don't see a good reason for it... but somehow, at some point in the past, I understood myself to be less smart, less capable, less good than others. More than anything in the world I want to shed this self-inflicted curse... it does not serve me. It doesn't help me get through my day... it conflicts with so much else that I believe in... and most of all it's a terrible role model for my girls. I try not to let it show... but I ALSO believe that most people underestimate how good children are at knowing what is going on with their parents, even if they don't really understand the details. OK, decision made... I'm going to get rid of this horrible voice that makes me wonder if people I meet really do like me, whether I can accomplish what I want, or if I'm strong enough to persist through adversity. Now... how?
Epilogue: I just sat down to work on my dissertation with a cup of Good Earth tea. On the teabag string is always a little tab with a saying on it. Mine says "the worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself" - Mark Twain. What timing...
Such a good post Jill. I understand and can relate. You are amazing to be able to put it into words.
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